Cheating for the grade you want

 Cheating is a way out. Its an escape to feel free to carry on with whatever you were doing before you got rudely interrupted with a test, homework, work out, relationship etc. The purpose of putting in the work is so you can get better right? That’s the way it should be anyways. I really didn’t want to answer this prompt because I’m afraid of what you (Mr. Geib and Mrs. Kindred) will think of me. I really respect both of you as teachers and look up to you as well, but I do cheat. Not in the big ways like on final exams or important tests, but in the ways that still make me feel ashamed and feeling awful; cheating is cheating no matter how big or small. Cheating seems so disrespectful to the ones you care about but I do it anyways. I’m telling you the truth because hopefully writing this to a public audience will make me so embarrassed that I will never do it again or find out why I do. My reasons are so stupid and unwise it’s almost laughable. 
1) I think I am stupid and I try to match up with the other geniuses at school.
2) I’m so unbelievably tired of the never-ending stack of homework I get.
3) I’m embarrassed of my lack of intelligence so I try to sound smarter than I actually am.
4) I’m so stressed out and can barely function to put my pants on right.
5) I can’t think for myself sometimes, so I copy what another thinks/says/does.
Either way no matter what my excuses are I will NOT deny that cheating is wrong. It’s true when people say, “ If you cheat you are really cheating yourself.” But what can I do? I need a bright future. I can’t have a C in a class because I am not willing to cheat. It’s not our integrity that the colleges look at or how good of a person we are; it’s our grade! Again I’m not trying to deny how wrong and corrupt cheating is but if it gets me to where I need to go then so be it. I’m so scared of not being good enough. I’m even more scared of not being able to provide for myself. Cheating allows me to compensate and give myself a pinch of confidence that I might actually be going somewhere. I try to pick out what I think it right and wrong, I’m sorry to say that cheating is something that I have struggled with at times. As a counteract I can say this lesson has influenced me for the better and encouraged me to try to keep my integrity intact even if I look stupid in the process.